Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
