Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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