I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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