oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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