she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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