I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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