question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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