what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
