Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
