So drunk its hurt
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
