I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
