I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
