Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
