I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
