Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
