I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
