Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
