i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
