and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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