Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
