Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
