When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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