For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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