My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
