I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize