I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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