I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
