Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
