next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
