I just pynch a tree in the face
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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