So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize