You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
