we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
