You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize