The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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