Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
