he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
