Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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