I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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