this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize