capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
