Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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