I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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