she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Even my vagina gasped.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
