my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
