R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
