One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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