I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize