"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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