Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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