so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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