Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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