Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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