He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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