it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
