My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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