apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
