My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
