you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
