just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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