In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
