I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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