I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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