so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The uberlube is also flammable
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
