I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
