I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize