Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
