just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
