whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
