when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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