R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize