i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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