no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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