apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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