If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize