I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
