OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
