Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
