either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
