so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
