Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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