I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
