yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize