i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
