theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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