I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
