can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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