You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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