We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
