I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
