Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
God I need to hump something, right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
