A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
