ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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