Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
