Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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