no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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