blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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