hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He better not be in your backpack
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
