Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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