if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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