Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
