he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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