you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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