Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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