hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
